FORT WORTH– A joint task force consisting of agents from the FBI, ATF, and the United States Secret Service conducted a pre-dawn raid on a Texas gun dealer early Sunday morning. Following two weeks of reconnaissance, the task force, acting on a “no knock search warrant,” assaulted family-owned Tarrant County Gunworks & Antiquities, ransacking the establishment shortly after store owner J.P. Whittle arrived early at work to inventory his merchandise. Shockingly, federal agents discovered over 600 licensed firearms on the premises.
“I hadn’t even had my coffee yet,” said J.P. Whittle, “when them damn bastards came rushing in, smashing the door and tossing shelves.”
Whittle, who has a Federal Firearms (FFL) License, has owned and operated Tarrant County Gunworks since 1980. Apparently, authorities became “alarmed” on learning that Whittle had re-branded weapons using names of popular and unpopular politicians for an advertising campaign to increase sales and to avoid laying off fifty per-cent of his staff. Our Texas source learned that authorities were most concerned with two items, a Remington double-barreled shotgun marketed as the “Obamalizer” and a gold-plated replica Uzi aptly called the “Trump-a-Matic.” Whittle insists every firearm in his store meets state and federal firearm guidelines. He claims his marketing agreement with Remington allows him to sub-brand weapons.
Although the “Obamalizer” conformed to the National Firearms Act guideline that all privately owned shotguns must have a barrel length of at least eighteen inches, Whittle included a manual instructing purchasers on how to properly convert the weapon into a “sawed-off” shot gun for greater efficiency and ease of concealment. “The weapon is then easily hidden beneath a trench coat or other appropriate clothing,” the instruction manual said, adding that the modified weapon could 
easily “split heads” and “open chests.”
The “Trump-a-Matic,” a semi-automatic version of the famous Israeli Uzi, was advertised as the perfect “home defense” weapon, a politically incorrect weapon in a politically correct world, able to “hose down” lobbyists, fat-cats, pundits, and would-be intruders in a hailstorm of hot lead. Most of the weapon is gold-plated, but the trigger and included magazine are, according to Whittle, 24ct gold. “This was made for the gun enthusiast who has it all but wants something more,” Whittle was quoted as saying. “For an additional cost, we include solid gold ammunition, which I cast myself,” Whittle added.
Whittle insists his rights are protected under the 1st Amendment. He says that federal “bullying” has curtailed plans for a third weapon, a snub-nosed .38 Revolver called “The Cruz,” perfect for anyone considering political suicide.
Whittle estimates damages to his store and inventory at approximately $60,000 dollars, not to mention the damage to his reputation.